This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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