I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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