I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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