Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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