I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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