Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
