I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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