I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
