this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
