What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
