well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
