Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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