you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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