Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
