Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
