Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
