plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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