Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
