she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
