pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
