thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
