I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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