If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
