some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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