I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
