ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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