no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
