i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
