Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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