Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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