I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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