When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
