Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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