I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well you can't waste a boner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
