I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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