I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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