But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
