Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
