I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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