I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize