Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
