If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
