Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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