You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
