sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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