i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
