WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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