What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
