Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
