I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
