Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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