this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
