when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
