DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
