I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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