is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
