Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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