i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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