the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
