i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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