I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
