Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
