I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize