I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
