They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
