Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
