just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
