yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
