Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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