new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
