So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
