I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
