i may or may not be watching the land before time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
