Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Randomize
